urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity The lean The mean THE OBSCENE 2004-06-21T21:36:09Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity:27245 2004-06-21T21:36:09Z 2004-06-21T21:36:09Z disturbed... my life seems to be spinning slowly but surly out of control... how do they expect me to get a full time job with a felony on my record?!?! fuck... probation is gonna b a fuckin bitch. if i mess up i get a warrent for my arrest... this is bullshit. i need a job.. i need kat... i dont know what im gonna do.... this is where i begin to panic and wonder if it would just be easier to give up. and fuck you if you get pissed at me for saying that! this is hard and my future looks poor, im scared and im tired... the only thing holding my together is kat... and steph and the other few friends i have.... i love you guys.bye... i need help. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity:26986 2004-06-19T18:38:42Z 2004-06-19T18:38:42Z well hello all of you strange people. it seems i am not dead after all... heh. well i dont really know what to write or type in here anymore. mty life is pretty much up in the air....sucks... well if you kids wanna talk then just IM me or somthing... it helps... love you all urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity:26676 2004-06-02T00:26:42Z 2004-06-02T00:26:42Z ive been in jail... suckage... a month in jail for robbery! wo0t... kat bailed me out! god i love her... y'all can suck my nards urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity:26429 2004-04-13T09:59:11Z 2004-04-13T09:59:11Z yes well this really isnt my most visited fun site anymore... heh, w/e. me and kat are still together and happy. we are goin on 5 months now, goodtimes! i love her so much and we plan on marrying!! yay!! im soo happy and so in love, no more doubt, no more worry! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity:26294 2004-03-30T00:47:50Z 2004-03-30T00:47:50Z suck it! yes well i havent been able to talk on this in quite somtime now but hey, who gives a shit. my life has its ups and downs and well im not giving too much of a shit for alot of things so ill just leave you all with this: im alive and thats all you people really need to know. im still with kat and we just celebrated our four month aneversary. yippie!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity:26032 2004-03-17T20:35:28Z 2004-03-17T20:35:28Z some emo shit on TV hi im ivan and im an asshole.... yeah that little ditty was Kat. shes sick with mono... hehehee... i call her my little Mono Monkey. heheheh she gets really pissed. shes all pissy right now. its cute. her tongue is all swollen and she sounds funny. i wonder how im gonna get home today... heh. well times have been weird... i finally have the personal life that ive always wanted. i just need a job and a car. well yeah thehy are really starting to piss me off... damn them... steph and and kat are a devious little duo... shes pissed cuz i ate her popsicle. thatll show her. i love her... sex, drugs, ANARCHY!!!! i love you kitten urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity:25647 2004-03-12T11:03:07Z 2004-03-12T11:03:07Z foresaken ~ disturbed ok all. times have been very weird and awkward, but better than ever. me and kat are happier than we have been in a long time. we are soo open with each other. we still have a bunch of these petty little fights but we get over em with a kiss. so anywho, she snuck me into her house and im sitting here updating my little black heart away. not much to say. i joined job core and well i hope that goes well... its my last chance and well it kinda sucks to think that i wont be able to see kat as often as id like... itll be hard but we can make it... i love her. with all my heart. we worked everything out and everything is perfect... well getting there anyways. im so in love with her. i havent written in this lately cuz its been kinda hectic as of late and i havent had the time. hehe. well yeah. anyways ima go now. i love you all, my friends.... i love you all. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity:25459 2004-03-04T22:10:16Z 2004-03-04T22:10:16Z orgy it seems as tho i slipped off the edge of the world into nothing. lost contact with most of my friends... lost hope in my life... depression takes over soon. kat has become unstable... god how i love her and treasure the moments we spend together but it scares me soo much how she treats herself and how she can say some of the things she does. i want to be with her till the end of time... but i wonder if she feels the same. she says she does... she doesnt want to talk to me... shes mad because i said "ok all the rules i set, the no drugs, no cutting, no drinking, fuck em. you do what you want and be the person you want to be but if the person you become isnt who i want to spend my life with, dont expect me to stick around." honesty is a bitch... well atleast i let out how i feel. and its the truth. why would i torture her with my company? i love her to death... god i hope she doenst leave me... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity:25151 2004-02-26T12:26:07Z 2004-02-26T12:26:07Z this is all very hectic... i tell her how i feel and she blows up on me, i tell her my thoughts, she throws them into my face and says that it hurt her, i say the wrong thing... and im done for. she had family therapy today, that was her excuse... she was ultra sensative and took everything personally. i told her about how i cant stand the way i hurt people or disappoint them and how if i wasnt around that it would be alot easier on other people. she exploded on me and now she doesnt trust me. im walking on eggshells.<br />she made plans with me cory and steph to hangout this weekend lastweek... apparently she forgot and made plans to go hang out with a friend she hasnt seen in awhile. now, if she goes with the friend she ditches 3 people, if she goes with us, she ditches one friend... either way im not going to be happy... because she will hang out with us and be all pissed off... or go with her friend and i will feel like she ditched me and 2 friends that she made plans with a week ago. i dont know. then she gets pissed at me when her shit talking friend becky starts running her mouth saying her boyfriend is gonna kick my ass, and steve(beckys bf) is gonna slap kat if she says anything... now if anyone here knows the way i am and knows my history and background... they know i will in fact end his life. no one touches kat in a harmful manner... hes dead when i see him. well its all confusing and ive been here with cory and playing neopets allday and argueing with kat which caused me to have an anxiety attack and i freaked out... well yeah thats about it... she doesnt understand when i put, im "freaking out", it actually means that im FREAKING OUT with an anxiety attack, so she keeps hammering the nail... anyways i g2g. later kids... i love you kat urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity:24955 2004-02-25T05:31:00Z 2004-02-25T05:31:00Z manson ~ the nobodies hehehe as i read through alot of my messages i realized... im an asshole... for example:<br /><br />V4N17Y SLU7: come back<br />V4N17Y SLU7: hometown buffet has got to close its doors somtime!!!<br />V4N17Y SLU7: JESUS!!!!<br /><br />Auto response from XOMEGA MACHINEX: ending the day<br /><br />V4N17Y SLU7: your putting the workers there through college!!!<br /><br />skippy0pot2mush: im poor<br />V4N17Y SLU7: damn you<br />V4N17Y SLU7: me too<br />V4N17Y SLU7: i got 5 bucks<br />skippy0pot2mush: i cant afford to get a cheap hooker<br />V4N17Y SLU7: your moms too expensive even for you?!?!?!<br /><br /><br />Eurotrash Lvr: lol<br />V4N17Y SLU7: :-D<br />V4N17Y SLU7: shower yet<br />V4N17Y SLU7: stinky jew<br />Eurotrash Lvr: shut up<br />V4N17Y SLU7: hehehe<br /><br />the ones who cant deal with it... leave or block me<br /><br />V4N17Y SLU7: you my friend, have tits<br />colincracker signed off at 9:30:58 PM. <br /><br />thats only a few of many... hehehe.... im not proud of this... yes i am urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity:24770 2004-02-22T10:45:52Z 2004-02-22T10:45:52Z Coma Black ~ Marilyn Manson holy shit, well here goes. its been quite awhile since ive written in thins journal... well awhile in my standards of writing in this like 5 times a day.im soo incredably lost right now, its like my life is back to square one but with some twists here and there... its not as fun as it may seem. i left dannys house as soon as i realized his mom was trying to brainwash my allready unstable mind into thinking i have no possible future with kat and no possible future outside the military.... yeah ok bitch! fuck that. i left and explained my situiation to my mom and well i guess she understood or somthing.... heh. well now i live back home... no job... barely school... im a failure once again... i am the king of theives tho i can say that for damn sure. no one has my skills in stealing. ive stolen a house (thanks to matt) and food, clothes, booze, and pretty much anything you can think of. im way too good at it to be proud of it. i wish there was a job for people like me out there... heh.. anyways. me and kat have been growing closer and closer together. weve said many things to upest each other but nothing with any lasting damage. yesterday was very awkward tho... troubling....disturbing....bad. well she stayed the night at my house because her parents were driving her insane again so i went and got her with danny and she stayed at my house. we didnt have sex or anything so dont even thing that yuou nasty bastards, but we did talk alot and well the next morning turned out fine until she called her mom to check in or somthing. so, yeah that went wrong and her mom threatend to call the cops and press charges of statitory rape on me.... hehe...no good. then she told me to "please stop having sex with my daughter"... i shit my pants.... yeah.... so that went bad then we went to the mall with justing cuz it was his birthday and then me and kat went and talked and we just got deeper and deeper into our emotional pain that she snapped and wanted to leave and she did... i tried to talk to her but it didnt do much good, i held her down and someguy thought i was like raping her and said he was an off duty police officer or some shit... not my day. then she threatend to kill herself and justin chased after her and i had a breakdown then i chased after her then i found her and then we talked and then we went to antoher mall and well yeah. im here at dannys with cory sleeping on the floor... OH YEAH!!!! ME AND CORY ARE FRIENDS AGAIN!!!! hehehehe so yeah i apologized and stuff and now me and him are friends again... hes changed a lil bit but i think hes grown up alot... hes dating one of kats friends steph! shes really nice and really pretty too so now he will leave me alone about being single and stuff!i dunno what else to add but <b>I LOVE YOU KAT!!!!</b> so yeah ill talk to you kids later! with love, <br /> Ivan urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity:24321 2004-02-16T08:23:20Z 2004-02-16T08:23:20Z valentines day started kinda slow, the night before was full of arm wrestling and booze... good times. so i was kida groggy, kat kept complaining about how long it was taking me to get there. well anywho we picked her up and exchanged presants! i got her a sterling silver cross neklace thingy and abunch off spiffy thongs and other stuff, she got me this cute ass kitten thingy! and chocolates and a rose!!! yay! we went and hung out and had lots of talks and made lots of sweet love! well im tired now, i spent the day with kitten, moses, and steph so im pooped now! i love you baby! byes urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity:24251 2004-02-16T08:03:52Z 2004-02-16T08:03:52Z nothin... ______Your Life_______<br />[x] they call me: Ivan, I-gor... shit like that<br />[x] sex: Male... <br />[x] my first breath of air: July 31, 1985. born addicted to heroin<br />[x] best friends: Matt, Kat, ummm.... thats it<br /><br />_______Rewind_______<br />[x] most memorable memory: when i kissed kat in josh's car for the first time!<br />[x] worst?: suicide, hurt, lies.... can i stop now?<br />[x] first word uttered: Pfft...<br />[x] first best friend ever!?: Josh Phillip, for 7 years <br />_______Love?_______<br />[x] love is: kat<br />[x] first love: Ashly Reed...bitch<br />[x] love or lust?: love, for me anyways... it was one sided... bitch<br />[x] best love song: Coma Black ~ Marilyn Manson<br />[x] when love hurts, you: I punch things, get into fights, cry<br />[x] true or false: NAKED!!!<br />[x] is there such thing as love @ first sight?: yes.... duh! fuck head<br /><br />_______Opposite Sex_______<br />[x] turn ons: eyes, body, style, compatability.... vagina... MMMmmmm<br />[x] do your parent's opinion on your bf/gf matter to you?: ....not in the least <br />[x] what kinda hair style?: past bottom lip, short sides, bleached front<br />[x] the sweetest thing a member of the opposite sex can do for you?: love meee<br />[x] where do you go to meet new people?: mall, arcade, outside, online<br />[x] are you the type of person to HOLLER and ask for numbers?: kinda... not anymore tho<br /><br />_______Picky Picky_______<br />[x] dog or cat: -K-at<br />[x] short or long hair: both<br />[x] sunshine or rain: rain<br />[x] moon or sun: moon<br />[x] hugs or kisses: Makin out like crazed ferrets!<br />[x] 1 best friend or 10 acquaintances: best friend<br />[x] summer or winter: winter<br />[x] written letters or e-mails: letters<br />[x] playstation or nintendo: nintendo sucks my shit<br />[x] car or motorcycle: motorcycle<br />[x] house party or club: both<br />[x] sing or dance: i like singing... i wish i did it well...<br />[x] freak or slow dance: slow freakin!! i call it stage fuckin<br /><br />_______Lately_______<br />[x] how are you today? was happy, now worried why kats depressed<br />[x] what pants are you wearing right now? black dickies<br />[x] What shirt are you wearing right now? black shirt, trench coat<br />[x] what does your hair look like at the moment? bandana<br />[x] what song are u listening to right now? nothing... danny opened a soda just now tho<br />[x] how is the weather right now? dark, dry...<br />[x] last person you talked to on the phone? My kitten<br />[x] last dream you can remember? i dont dream anymore<br />[x] who are you talking to right now? my journal<br />[x] what time is it? 11:54pm<br /><br />_______More About YOU!_______<br />[x] if u were a crayon, what color would you be? broken peice of black<br />[x] have you ever almost died? fuck yeah<br />[x] do u like the person that sent u this? jacked it from kat, who jacked it from tuesday<br />[x] what's the next CD you are going to buy? manson, antichrist superstar... danny broked mines... fag<br />[x] what's the best advice ever given to you? you can only hit rock bottom so many times.. before you dont want to get up anymore<br />[x] have u ever won any special award? i dont know...<br />[x] what's the stupidest thing u have ever done? broke up with kat<br />[x] how many kids do you want to have? 3... 1 girl and 2 boys<br />[x] shampoo? spit!<br />[x] what are you most scared of? dying alone... losing kat... midgets<br />[x] how many TV's do you have in your house? 7<br />[x] do you have your own TV? i have 3 in my garage<br />[x] have you ever broken/sprained/fractured a bone? thats funny... your a funny question! yes you are!<br />[x] who do you dream about? i dont dream... sad shit huh<br />[x] who do you tell your dreams to? no one, read above<br />[x] who's the loudest friend you have? me...<br />[x] who's the quietest friend? this voluntary mute kid<br />[x] Is cheerleading a sport? a spectators sport! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity:23932 2004-02-12T19:12:19Z 2004-02-12T19:12:19Z ~the sounds of death... or my skettios in the microwave~ bored... skool... *shudder*... this isnt looking bright kids... its like one after another... fuck, what ami gonna do!!!???!?!??! life is hectic... life blows... so does your mom!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity:23777 2004-02-08T20:28:07Z 2004-02-08T20:28:07Z masta bation <b>The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to <i>the Seventh Level of Hell!</i></b><br>Here is how you matched up against all the levels:<br><table cellspacing="1" style="margin: 5px; background-color: #000000; border: none; font: 10pt arial, verdana, &#39;sans serif&#39;;"><tr style="font: bold 12pt arial, verdana, &#39;sans serif&#39;; text-align: center; color: #ffffff; background-color: #333333;"><th><b>Level</b></th><th><b>Score</b></th></tr><tr style="background-color: #220033; color: #eeeeee;"><td style="padding: 4px;"><b><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-information.html#0" style="color: #ff3344; text-decoration: underline;">Purgatory</a></b> (Repenting Believers)</td><td style="color: #3344bb; background-color: #333333; padding: 4px;"><b>Very Low</b></td></tr><tr style="background-color: #110022; color: #eeeeee;"><td style="padding: 4px;"><b><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-information.html#1" style="color: #ff3344; text-decoration: underline;">Level 1 - Limbo</a></b> (Virtuous Non-Believers)</td><td style="color: #3344bb; background-color: #333333; padding: 4px;"><b>Very Low</b></td></tr><tr style="background-color: #220011; color: #eeeeee;"><td style="padding: 4px;"><b><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-information.html#2" style="color: #ff3344; text-decoration: underline;">Level 2</a></b> (Lustful)</td><td style="color: #c40033; background-color: #333333; padding: 4px;"><b>Very High</b></td></tr><tr style="background-color: #330011; color: #eeeeee;"><td style="padding: 4px;"><b><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-information.html#3" style="color: #ff3344; text-decoration: underline;">Level 3</a></b> (Gluttonous)</td><td style="color: #ff1133; background-color: #333333; padding: 4px;"><b>High</b></td></tr><tr style="background-color: #440011; color: #eeeeee;"><td style="padding: 4px;"><b><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-information.html#4" style="color: #ff3344; text-decoration: underline;">Level 4</a></b> (Prodigal and Avaricious)</td><td style="color: #ee2244; background-color: #333333; padding: 4px;"><b>Extreme</b></td></tr><tr style="background-color: #550011; color: #eeeeee;"><td style="padding: 4px;"><b><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-information.html#5" style="color: #ff3344; text-decoration: underline;">Level 5</a></b> (Wrathful and Gloomy)</td><td style="color: #ee2244; background-color: #333333; padding: 4px;"><b>Extreme</b></td></tr><tr style="background-color: #660011; color: #eeeeee;"><td style="padding: 4px;"><b><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-information.html#6" style="color: #ff3344; text-decoration: underline;">Level 6 - The City of Dis</a></b> (Heretics)</td><td style="color: #ee2244; background-color: #333333; padding: 4px;"><b>Extreme</b></td></tr><tr style="background-color: #770011; color: #eeeeee;"><td style="padding: 4px;"><b><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-information.html#7" style="color: #ff3344; text-decoration: underline;">Level 7</a></b> (Violent)</td><td style="color: #ee2244; background-color: #333333; padding: 4px;"><b>Extreme</b></td></tr><tr style="background-color: #880011; color: #eeeeee;"><td style="padding: 4px;"><b><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-information.html#8" style="color: #ff3344; text-decoration: underline;">Level 8- the Malebolge</a></b> (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)</td><td style="color: #ee2244; background-color: #333333; padding: 4px;"><b>Extreme</b></td></tr><tr style="background-color: #990011; color: #eeeeee;"><td style="padding: 4px;"><b><a href="http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-information.html#9" style="color: #ff3344; text-decoration: underline;">Level 9 - Cocytus</a></b> (Treacherous)</td><td style="color: #c40033; background-color: #333333; padding: 4px;"><b>Very High</b></td></tr></table><br><b>Take the <a href="http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-test.mv">Dante Inferno Hell Test</a></b> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity:23541 2004-02-08T12:46:47Z 2004-02-08T12:47:46Z orgy ~ some new samples for their new cd!!! wtf is going on GAAHHHH!!!! this is driving me insane! its like i cant say anything right to her.. i mean i try but she turns my words around and makes me seem like an ass hole. then she always gets pissed off at me then when i get pissed off she freaks out on me. i told her i loved her and she screamed bullshit and hung up the phone... heh... wtf, itslike all she does in her LJ is complain about me and talk about how fucked up i am and how big of an asshole i am. why the fuck is she even with me if im apparently treating her soo shitty? then she doubted my love for her... she said she didnt know if i truely loved her!! now thats bullshit. if i dodnt love her, i would have broken up the first time she lied tome about being clean, i wouldnt have delt with all the arguments, i would ride the fuckin bus for 3 hours just to go see her for a few minutes, and i wouldnt try soo hard to make us work... its like nomatter how hard i try, its never good enough. if i tell her not to do somthing she will do it just to spite me... mature...<br /><br />all i did today was worry and prepare for whatever fight would insue(sp?) and i went to the mall and met amanda and matt there. we met a guy jeremy and then we just walked around and we went to the boardwalk and i played DDR and i found some kids wallet. inside was 50 bucks and his id. being the boy scout that i am, i promptly took the money and ditched the wallet. im such a fuckin asshole hehehehe. then i went to dannys work and got somthin to eat with amanda. we went outside and danny asked me to call girls that were single to go to a party. so i called this girl sarah first(dannys friend) and then i called steph(kats friend). i called kat next but she was fuckin furious that i didnt call her first. she wouldnt even give me a chance to explain before she hung up. amanda had to call her and explain it to her. then she clmed down and well yeah. i went to the party, which was pretty much a cock fest cuz no girls showed up. i rolled a cig from butts and a page out of the bible and smoked it. it was the nastiest smoke in the world.i called kat and told her to go to sleep and that i love her. i just left a voice mail so when she wakes up she can wake up to somthing happy. i love her so much and shes worth everything to me. but me and her need to sit down and talk, otherwise we will be miserable. well im off to sleep. love you kids, i love you kitten. good night my love urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity:23111 2004-02-06T06:24:50Z 2004-02-06T06:24:50Z Manson - the new shit life has delt me a weird hand... one that i never expected to get. my apology if i havent written in this as much as i used to. its just that... no one comments, i mean people comment its just that all of them are the same. either apologizing for my shitty life of telling me they love me. can you all leave somwhat lengthy comments? im not asking for a fuckin essay or anything, just your opinion on my writing! i mean christ, i take my time to write all this and i dont get much back. and for those of you who ive added, if you dont comment on this in one week i am removing you from my friends list. i need to finish working on my school so i can graduate! i hate this!!! hehe, i love kat so much and valentines day is right around the corner... im excited!! i love her.. heehehehe im having a very... interesting convo with suzy right now <a name="cutid1"></a>D4RK V4N17Y: schools become a bigger hassle than i expected<br />D4RK V4N17Y: im being told what to do again<br />D4RK V4N17Y: and i hate it<br />D4RK V4N17Y: i cant stand being told what to do<br />D4RK V4N17Y: unless its sexual<br />Eurotrash Lvr: :-\<br />D4RK V4N17Y: :-D:-D:-D<br />D4RK V4N17Y: not like "go brush your teeth and take a shower you naughty naughty boy"<br />Eurotrash Lvr: lol<br />D4RK V4N17Y: lol<br />D4RK V4N17Y: or "put the toilet seat down you filthy fuckin sexual monster!!! OH FUCK ME!!!!"<br />Eurotrash Lvr: lmfao<br />Eurotrash Lvr: ur sick<br />D4RK V4N17Y: :-P<br />D4RK V4N17Y: i know<br />isnt it grand<br />Eurotrash Lvr: maybe...<br />D4RK V4N17Y: "suck my clit!!! after you take out the garbage!!! oh im so0Oo WET!!"<br />Eurotrash Lvr: lmfao!<br />D4RK V4N17Y: hahahahaaa<br />D4RK V4N17Y: im such a fuckin weirdo<br />D4RK V4N17Y: aint it grand to check it out. hehehe anyways im really bored so ill leave you with this thought: me but naked coming out of a hot shower with my butt cheeks all piping hot! oh baby fuck me! i love you kat, with all my heart. i love you suzy for being there for me to talk to when kat wouldnt *stares at kat**mumbles*jerk butt.... i love you baby.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.ascendancy.net/tribalwar/DDR.gif"><br />thanks for that link SusieQ, it made me smile! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity:22911 2004-02-02T06:16:23Z 2004-02-02T06:16:23Z Marilyn Manson ~ Coma Black soooo much has happened in the last few days. um ill give you the short clean cut version of it... well for the most part. i joined the airforce and got re-enrolled in school. me and kat fought soo much the past few days... then we let it all out and just let go... she told me she did tweak for finals... and i didnt even know. she did all this and knew i couldnt find out. that scares me how she can do that. we got into a fight earlier about how she wants to smoke weed and how i told her i dont want to be there when shes high. i ended up getting high and drunk and flashing back hardcore from acid and E i used to do... it sucks... but we ended up breaking up... i didnt even mean to break up with her, but she was convinced i was so i said good bye and then i freaked out like mad crazy... i cant leave her... i cant live without her.... shes my soul mate... so i want to sped the rest of my life with her. i went with moses and pheobe and got her. we made love like mad crazy.we are back together and im thankful we are.im sorry i ever did that kat. i proposed to her, but i gave her this shitty ass ring, its more of a promise ring than anything. but i do want to marry her and be with her. its up to her if we stay together and prosper. i love you kat. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity:22651 2004-01-28T21:14:10Z 2004-01-28T21:14:10Z Marilyn Manson ~ The KKK Took My Baby Away today is weird... im gonna stop making thisfriends only.. cuz its just lame. plus it takes a whole like 2 extra seconds to make it private...so yeah. im here at auroras and shes back from her lil vacation. shes a lesbian...but she likes this guy.its wierd. shocked the shit outta me. well i dunno if im gonna see kat today. yesterday was fantastic and i love her to death. my ass needs a job. im back in skool now and i took this test to see what level im at and i was falling asleep during most of it. i scored off the charts. it says im some kinda genious...if im so fuckin smart how come i cause soo many problems in my life. i unno... well me and susie talk alot now. we always did before... but now with all this shit in my life and all the changes shes been really supportive. i owe her alot for it. love you susieQ (heehee). i dont know exactly whats planned for me in the future... im kinda scared.i tlked to my mom on the phone last night and she made me get all teary... asshole. heh... i miss matt, maybe now with my life getting in order ill be able to hang out with him. never know. well kiddies im off. i love you kitten! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity:22392 2004-01-28T07:24:14Z 2004-01-28T07:24:14Z manson- the nobodies my life has taken a turn for the best! finally huh kids? well i stopped drugs and drinkin, drinkin on the occasion isnt bad tho... hehe. but me and dannys mom went and enrolled me back in school so i can finish up. i talked to my mom and after 6 long years she told me she loved me... i forgot what it sounded like coming from her. i almost cried. today was my aniversary with kat! yay! i love her more than i know... hehe. but i worry you know, like jealous boyfriend things. like she told me she liked danny and i told her that i like susie. so hehe..yeah. um i gave her the present i got her, and we ended up goin to her house and doin stuff i didnt even consider doing in my life... it was amazing.well im goin to join the airforce after i graduate and maybe start a family in a few years. i hope so. well ima go eat some tacos!!! i love you kat! i love you matt and danny! i love you susie, i love you...mom, and again, i love you Kat urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity:20283 2004-01-17T06:53:21Z 2004-01-17T06:53:21Z manson - speed of pain today..is sad. i cant think, all i can do is cut and take pills... i need somthing.. help me someone urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity:19751 2004-01-16T20:54:29Z 2004-01-16T20:54:29Z the nobodies and we broke up. nuff said.... its killing me... nothin i can do tho. ill miss it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity:19689 2004-01-16T20:11:59Z 2004-01-16T20:11:59Z manson -valentines day this is rediculas. kat says all these things to me of how we are gonna be together forever and all these about ouur future and how we will always be happy... then she breaks up with me yesterday... i lost everything i had... now her. then about an eternity later we get back together and i thought everything was worked out just fine... wrong. she started doin tweak again and she still likes danny alot. danny for all of those who dont know is my friend. yeah well i have no problem with him and now i dont know whats going on with me and kat cuz we arew just texting back and fourth. goddammit... the sad thing is tho if we break up again thats it... im not goin back because how many times does a girl hafta break up with a guy for him o get the point. there is no more chances. i feel so shitty right now you people have no fuckin idea. i have nothing in my life right now... except matt... hes a good kid and i love him to death. this just isnt how i expected my love for her to be thrown away. its like she doesnt understand... i threw caution to the wind yesterday and took 16 ccc's, drank, and smoked weed. i dont care anymore, what have i got now? nothing. ive got shit right now.... fuck. this is fuckin pitiful. i dont want to lose her urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity:15472 2004-01-03T07:00:18Z 2004-01-04T02:23:38Z manson -disposable teens tonights my last night here.. i wanted it to be special but kats sick and i dont wanna make her feel worse. its killin me that shes sick on these days tho. this could have been the most porn-esque time but she was sick. i hope the<br />at she gets better soon tho... i seem like a real asshole somtimes tho, and i dont even know why she puts up with it... im lucky as fuck she hasntleft me...yet. goddamn im afuckin idiot...i g2g...im sorry kat, i love you urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dark_vanity:14415 2003-12-31T22:32:15Z 2004-01-04T02:21:40Z deadsy 1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. <br />2. Am I loveable? <br />3. How long have you known me? <br />4. When and how did we first meet? <br />5. What was your first impression? <br />6. Do you still think that way about me now? <br />7. What do you think my weakness is? <br />8. Do you think I'll get married? <br />9. What makes me happy? <br />10. What makes me sad? <br />11. What reminds you of me? <br />12. If you could give me anything what would it be? <br />13. How well do you know me? <br />14. When's the last time you saw me? <br />15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? <br />16. Do you think I could kill someone? <br />17. Describe me in one word. <br />18. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen? <br />19. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you? <br />20. Who would play me in a movie? <br />21. What book or movie character would be my best archnemesis? <br />22. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?