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[21 Jun 2004|02:32pm] |
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disturbed... |
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my life seems to be spinning slowly but surly out of control... how do they expect me to get a full time job with a felony on my record?!?! fuck... probation is gonna b a fuckin bitch. if i mess up i get a warrent for my arrest... this is bullshit. i need a job.. i need kat... i dont know what im gonna do.... this is where i begin to panic and wonder if it would just be easier to give up. and fuck you if you get pissed at me for saying that! this is hard and my future looks poor, im scared and im tired... the only thing holding my together is kat... and steph and the other few friends i have.... i love you guys.bye... i need help.
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[19 Jun 2004|11:34am] |
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well hello all of you strange people. it seems i am not dead after all... heh. well i dont really know what to write or type in here anymore. mty life is pretty much up in the air....sucks... well if you kids wanna talk then just IM me or somthing... it helps... love you all
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[01 Jun 2004|05:25pm] |
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ive been in jail... suckage... a month in jail for robbery! wo0t... kat bailed me out! god i love her... y'all can suck my nards
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[13 Apr 2004|02:57am] |
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yes well this really isnt my most visited fun site anymore... heh, w/e. me and kat are still together and happy. we are goin on 5 months now, goodtimes! i love her so much and we plan on marrying!! yay!! im soo happy and so in love, no more doubt, no more worry!
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| its been awhile, since i could even give two shits (in the shitty staind song"its been awhile" styl) |
[29 Mar 2004|04:39pm] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
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music |
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suck it! |
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yes well i havent been able to talk on this in quite somtime now but hey, who gives a shit. my life has its ups and downs and well im not giving too much of a shit for alot of things so ill just leave you all with this: im alive and thats all you people really need to know. im still with kat and we just celebrated our four month aneversary. yippie!!
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[17 Mar 2004|12:15pm] |
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mood |
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numb |
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music |
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some emo shit on TV |
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hi im ivan and im an asshole.... yeah that little ditty was Kat. shes sick with mono... hehehee... i call her my little Mono Monkey. heheheh she gets really pissed. shes all pissy right now. its cute. her tongue is all swollen and she sounds funny. i wonder how im gonna get home today... heh. well times have been weird... i finally have the personal life that ive always wanted. i just need a job and a car. well yeah thehy are really starting to piss me off... damn them... steph and and kat are a devious little duo... shes pissed cuz i ate her popsicle. thatll show her. i love her... sex, drugs, ANARCHY!!!! i love you kitten
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| times have changed |
[12 Mar 2004|03:01am] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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music |
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foresaken ~ disturbed |
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ok all. times have been very weird and awkward, but better than ever. me and kat are happier than we have been in a long time. we are soo open with each other. we still have a bunch of these petty little fights but we get over em with a kiss. so anywho, she snuck me into her house and im sitting here updating my little black heart away. not much to say. i joined job core and well i hope that goes well... its my last chance and well it kinda sucks to think that i wont be able to see kat as often as id like... itll be hard but we can make it... i love her. with all my heart. we worked everything out and everything is perfect... well getting there anyways. im so in love with her. i havent written in this lately cuz its been kinda hectic as of late and i havent had the time. hehe. well yeah. anyways ima go now. i love you all, my friends.... i love you all.
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| misery loves company |
[04 Mar 2004|02:06pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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orgy |
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it seems as tho i slipped off the edge of the world into nothing. lost contact with most of my friends... lost hope in my life... depression takes over soon. kat has become unstable... god how i love her and treasure the moments we spend together but it scares me soo much how she treats herself and how she can say some of the things she does. i want to be with her till the end of time... but i wonder if she feels the same. she says she does... she doesnt want to talk to me... shes mad because i said "ok all the rules i set, the no drugs, no cutting, no drinking, fuck em. you do what you want and be the person you want to be but if the person you become isnt who i want to spend my life with, dont expect me to stick around." honesty is a bitch... well atleast i let out how i feel. and its the truth. why would i torture her with my company? i love her to death... god i hope she doenst leave me...
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[26 Feb 2004|04:20am] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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this is all very hectic... i tell her how i feel and she blows up on me, i tell her my thoughts, she throws them into my face and says that it hurt her, i say the wrong thing... and im done for. she had family therapy today, that was her excuse... she was ultra sensative and took everything personally. i told her about how i cant stand the way i hurt people or disappoint them and how if i wasnt around that it would be alot easier on other people. she exploded on me and now she doesnt trust me. im walking on eggshells.
she made plans with me cory and steph to hangout this weekend lastweek... apparently she forgot and made plans to go hang out with a friend she hasnt seen in awhile. now, if she goes with the friend she ditches 3 people, if she goes with us, she ditches one friend... either way im not going to be happy... because she will hang out with us and be all pissed off... or go with her friend and i will feel like she ditched me and 2 friends that she made plans with a week ago. i dont know. then she gets pissed at me when her shit talking friend becky starts running her mouth saying her boyfriend is gonna kick my ass, and steve(beckys bf) is gonna slap kat if she says anything... now if anyone here knows the way i am and knows my history and background... they know i will in fact end his life. no one touches kat in a harmful manner... hes dead when i see him. well its all confusing and ive been here with cory and playing neopets allday and argueing with kat which caused me to have an anxiety attack and i freaked out... well yeah thats about it... she doesnt understand when i put, im "freaking out", it actually means that im FREAKING OUT with an anxiety attack, so she keeps hammering the nail... anyways i g2g. later kids... i love you kat
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| im an asshole |
[24 Feb 2004|09:31pm] |
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cynical |
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manson ~ the nobodies |
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hehehe as i read through alot of my messages i realized... im an asshole... for example:
V4N17Y SLU7: come back
V4N17Y SLU7: hometown buffet has got to close its doors somtime!!!
V4N17Y SLU7: JESUS!!!!
Auto response from XOMEGA MACHINEX: ending the day
V4N17Y SLU7: your putting the workers there through college!!!
skippy0pot2mush: im poor
V4N17Y SLU7: damn you
V4N17Y SLU7: me too
V4N17Y SLU7: i got 5 bucks
skippy0pot2mush: i cant afford to get a cheap hooker
V4N17Y SLU7: your moms too expensive even for you?!?!?!
Eurotrash Lvr: lol
V4N17Y SLU7: :-D
V4N17Y SLU7: shower yet
V4N17Y SLU7: stinky jew
Eurotrash Lvr: shut up
V4N17Y SLU7: hehehe
the ones who cant deal with it... leave or block me
V4N17Y SLU7: you my friend, have tits
colincracker signed off at 9:30:58 PM.
thats only a few of many... hehehe.... im not proud of this... yes i am
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| The days events |
[22 Feb 2004|02:43am] |
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 exhausted |
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Coma Black ~ Marilyn Manson |
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holy shit, well here goes. its been quite awhile since ive written in thins journal... well awhile in my standards of writing in this like 5 times a day.im soo incredably lost right now, its like my life is back to square one but with some twists here and there... its not as fun as it may seem. i left dannys house as soon as i realized his mom was trying to brainwash my allready unstable mind into thinking i have no possible future with kat and no possible future outside the military.... yeah ok bitch! fuck that. i left and explained my situiation to my mom and well i guess she understood or somthing.... heh. well now i live back home... no job... barely school... im a failure once again... i am the king of theives tho i can say that for damn sure. no one has my skills in stealing. ive stolen a house (thanks to matt) and food, clothes, booze, and pretty much anything you can think of. im way too good at it to be proud of it. i wish there was a job for people like me out there... heh.. anyways. me and kat have been growing closer and closer together. weve said many things to upest each other but nothing with any lasting damage. yesterday was very awkward tho... troubling....disturbing....bad. well she stayed the night at my house because her parents were driving her insane again so i went and got her with danny and she stayed at my house. we didnt have sex or anything so dont even thing that yuou nasty bastards, but we did talk alot and well the next morning turned out fine until she called her mom to check in or somthing. so, yeah that went wrong and her mom threatend to call the cops and press charges of statitory rape on me.... hehe...no good. then she told me to "please stop having sex with my daughter"... i shit my pants.... yeah.... so that went bad then we went to the mall with justing cuz it was his birthday and then me and kat went and talked and we just got deeper and deeper into our emotional pain that she snapped and wanted to leave and she did... i tried to talk to her but it didnt do much good, i held her down and someguy thought i was like raping her and said he was an off duty police officer or some shit... not my day. then she threatend to kill herself and justin chased after her and i had a breakdown then i chased after her then i found her and then we talked and then we went to antoher mall and well yeah. im here at dannys with cory sleeping on the floor... OH YEAH!!!! ME AND CORY ARE FRIENDS AGAIN!!!! hehehehe so yeah i apologized and stuff and now me and him are friends again... hes changed a lil bit but i think hes grown up alot... hes dating one of kats friends steph! shes really nice and really pretty too so now he will leave me alone about being single and stuff!i dunno what else to add but I LOVE YOU KAT!!!! so yeah ill talk to you kids later! with love,
Ivan
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[16 Feb 2004|12:11am] |
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valentines day started kinda slow, the night before was full of arm wrestling and booze... good times. so i was kida groggy, kat kept complaining about how long it was taking me to get there. well anywho we picked her up and exchanged presants! i got her a sterling silver cross neklace thingy and abunch off spiffy thongs and other stuff, she got me this cute ass kitten thingy! and chocolates and a rose!!! yay! we went and hung out and had lots of talks and made lots of sweet love! well im tired now, i spent the day with kitten, moses, and steph so im pooped now! i love you baby! byes
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| im boooorred |
[15 Feb 2004|11:43pm] |
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meh |
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nothin... |
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______Your Life_______
[x] they call me: Ivan, I-gor... shit like that
[x] sex: Male...
[x] my first breath of air: July 31, 1985. born addicted to heroin
[x] best friends: Matt, Kat, ummm.... thats it
_______Rewind_______
[x] most memorable memory: when i kissed kat in josh's car for the first time!
[x] worst?: suicide, hurt, lies.... can i stop now?
[x] first word uttered: Pfft...
[x] first best friend ever!?: Josh Phillip, for 7 years
_______Love?_______
[x] love is: kat
[x] first love: Ashly Reed...bitch
[x] love or lust?: love, for me anyways... it was one sided... bitch
[x] best love song: Coma Black ~ Marilyn Manson
[x] when love hurts, you: I punch things, get into fights, cry
[x] true or false: NAKED!!!
[x] is there such thing as love @ first sight?: yes.... duh! fuck head
_______Opposite Sex_______
[x] turn ons: eyes, body, style, compatability.... vagina... MMMmmmm
[x] do your parent's opinion on your bf/gf matter to you?: ....not in the least
[x] what kinda hair style?: past bottom lip, short sides, bleached front
[x] the sweetest thing a member of the opposite sex can do for you?: love meee
[x] where do you go to meet new people?: mall, arcade, outside, online
[x] are you the type of person to HOLLER and ask for numbers?: kinda... not anymore tho
_______Picky Picky_______
[x] dog or cat: -K-at
[x] short or long hair: both
[x] sunshine or rain: rain
[x] moon or sun: moon
[x] hugs or kisses: Makin out like crazed ferrets!
[x] 1 best friend or 10 acquaintances: best friend
[x] summer or winter: winter
[x] written letters or e-mails: letters
[x] playstation or nintendo: nintendo sucks my shit
[x] car or motorcycle: motorcycle
[x] house party or club: both
[x] sing or dance: i like singing... i wish i did it well...
[x] freak or slow dance: slow freakin!! i call it stage fuckin
_______Lately_______
[x] how are you today? was happy, now worried why kats depressed
[x] what pants are you wearing right now? black dickies
[x] What shirt are you wearing right now? black shirt, trench coat
[x] what does your hair look like at the moment? bandana
[x] what song are u listening to right now? nothing... danny opened a soda just now tho
[x] how is the weather right now? dark, dry...
[x] last person you talked to on the phone? My kitten
[x] last dream you can remember? i dont dream anymore
[x] who are you talking to right now? my journal
[x] what time is it? 11:54pm
_______More About YOU!_______
[x] if u were a crayon, what color would you be? broken peice of black
[x] have you ever almost died? fuck yeah
[x] do u like the person that sent u this? jacked it from kat, who jacked it from tuesday
[x] what's the next CD you are going to buy? manson, antichrist superstar... danny broked mines... fag
[x] what's the best advice ever given to you? you can only hit rock bottom so many times.. before you dont want to get up anymore
[x] have u ever won any special award? i dont know...
[x] what's the stupidest thing u have ever done? broke up with kat
[x] how many kids do you want to have? 3... 1 girl and 2 boys
[x] shampoo? spit!
[x] what are you most scared of? dying alone... losing kat... midgets
[x] how many TV's do you have in your house? 7
[x] do you have your own TV? i have 3 in my garage
[x] have you ever broken/sprained/fractured a bone? thats funny... your a funny question! yes you are!
[x] who do you dream about? i dont dream... sad shit huh
[x] who do you tell your dreams to? no one, read above
[x] who's the loudest friend you have? me...
[x] who's the quietest friend? this voluntary mute kid
[x] Is cheerleading a sport? a spectators sport!
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[12 Feb 2004|11:09am] |
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mood |
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 ~shitty~ |
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~the sounds of death... or my skettios in the microwave~ |
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bored... skool... *shudder*... this isnt looking bright kids... its like one after another... fuck, what ami gonna do!!!???!?!??! life is hectic... life blows... so does your mom!!
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[08 Feb 2004|12:27pm] |
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mood |
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 devil child |
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music |
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masta bation |
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The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test
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